Some of you may be interested in an update of my car situation.

Last Tuesday evening I was driving inbound on the Northwest Tollway, and the engine seemed to be doing okay. (That said, over the prior few days I had noticed a slight loss of power and it been idling rougher than usual. It was still burning about a quart of oil per 100 miles.) I pull into the O’Hare toll plaza, just before the merge with the Kennedy Expressway, pay my toll, and speed up to merge back into traffic. The car goes into overdrive, and when it comes back down out of overdrive, I hear this rapid BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM from the engine. I get off at my exit, which wasn’t far away, and manage to limp my way home. Huge amounts of smoke were coming from the tailpipe, and the engine was convulsing violently, even stalling out a couple times. A couple days later I got the car to a trusted mechanic and he confirmed that the piston rings had a meltdown. Two of the car’s four cylinders have no compression whatsoever.

It’s going to be at least 2-3 months before I can afford to replace the engine, so I had to scramble to find a set of wheels so that I could hold onto my job, which requires a car. My friend Eric has a 1972 Buick Skylark which he graciously let me borrow for a few days in return for an oil change. Meanwhile, I began to search the listings for a $500 beater to drive around until the Saturn gets fixed.

I found my beater in the form of a silver 1986 Pontiac Trans Am out in Elgin, complete with T-tops and 5-speed stick. The body has some minor accident damage up front, the brakes need some work, and the engine is running a bit rich. But at least it runs well, which is more than I can say about the Saturn, and it’s actually a very comfortable car as long as you’re not attempting to sit in the back seats. As an added bonus, there’s very little body rust. Also, it’s a fun car to drive… Not bad for $455. I figured if I had to drive a beater for a couple months, I may as well drive something that’s got some character. I’m thinking that, assuming this car doesn’t have any major mechanical issues, I may even hold onto it after the Saturn is fixed, and make a project out of fixing it up. The Saturn is ideal for day-to-day commuting and running errands, but the Trans Am is perfect for a good drive out on the highway, like out to IRM or up to Wisconsin on warm summer weekends.

So… Anybody know anything about maintaining or fixing up old GM F-body cars? Now I just need to grow a mullet, dig out my old Journey CD’s, and move to New Jersey.

As far as the Saturn goes, I’m hoping I can get a decent used engine installed for under $2000. Hopefully I’ll be able to recover that from the dealer via small-claims court. I’m tempted to just ditch the car, but since I still owe a ton of money on it, I’m pretty much stuck with it. Right now it’s parked on the street, but I have a friend who may be able to rent me some space in his garage to store it for a while.

I’ve had my 1995 Saturn SL2 (84,000 miles when purchased — 87,000 now) only about three months since I purchased it from Saturn of Chicago, and so far I’ve come across the following problems:

1) Three oil leaks, one at the valve cover seal, one at the oil pan seal, and another at the oil pressure sensor.
2) Most ominously, a large cloud of blueish smoke from the tailpipe whenever I hit the gas from a dead stop after the car is warmed up. A trusted gearhead friend of mine says this is a sure sign of bad piston rings. The only way to repair bad piston rings is to totally rebuild the engine.

Between the two causes above, I’m losing about two quarts of oil per week on this thing! I don’t know how much is dripping to the ground and how much is going up in smoke, but this amount of oil consumption has been going on since I bought the car. Other problems:

3) A strange clatter sound whenever I hit the gas from a dead stop, which seems to be related to the smoke cloud. The bigger the clatter, the bigger the cloud.
4) A broken parking brake cable. Thank God I live in Chicago and not San Francisco.
5) A missing air dam from below the front end of the car.
6) Occasional sputtering and stalling in heavy stop-and-go traffic.
7) A bad oxygen sensor (since replaced)
8) Tires that lose air due to corrosion in the insides of the wheel rims.

And that’s not even counting the stuff that one would normally expect in a used car, like worn spark plugs, brittle hoses, inoperable cruise control, and some minor cosmetic blemishes. Either this car was a dud to begin with, or some previous owner abused the hell out of it.

I bought the car “as-is” with no warranty. However, on the same window sticker that says the car was bought as-is, there is also a section that says every used car Saturn sells has been thoroughly inspected and that the buyer will be informed of any outstanding maintenance issues. It also says every “Inspected” car has at least a 90-day limited power train warranty. This window sticker is a legal document, part of the sales contract.

Also, because of the smoke cloud, I would be shocked if this car passed the state emissions test. As far as I know, it is illegal in Illinois for a dealer to sell a car that won’t pass emissions.

I’ve taken the car to the dealer and they told me the problems were either my fault because I accidentally left the oil cap off, or that they couldn’t reproduce the problem. Their response was essentially, “You bought the car as-is. Deal with it.”

I’ve already contacted an attorney that specializes in consumer law and Lemon Law issues. I’ll probably find out within the next few days whether or not I have a valid case against the dealer.

I certainly didn’t expect a car in my price range to be flawless (I paid $5000 for this thing), but I at least expect the engine to be in somewhat-decent working order and certainly not to need to be overhauled. Am I being unreasonable here? What sort of recourse do I have, if any? I should point out that my car is now a crucial necessity: My new job involves driving around to various suburbs near O’Hare to inspect the soundproofing of houses.

Anybody have any comments about this or about the symptoms I’ve listed? Assuming the piston rings are shot and I have no legal recourse, how much longer should this car last as long as I keep dumping oil into it? Sorry for the off-topic post, but I figure there’s at least a couple of car experts here who could offer some advice.

The whole reason I picked Saturn was because of their supposed relaibility and because their dealerships supposedly have some shred of ethics. So much for being A Different Kind of Company… I think my next car will be a Toyota.

(originally posted on the SubTalk forum at nycsubway.org)